Friday, October 17, 2008
Padaan lang...
Just a quick update:
so far hindi pa din sya ULIT nangangaliwa (lets keep our fingers crossed)
2 more semesters + 1 summer and i'm finally getting my diploma
i lost weight and i go to the gym regularly (this is a semestral resolution haha!)
i'm happy
so far hindi pa din sya ULIT nangangaliwa (lets keep our fingers crossed)
2 more semesters + 1 summer and i'm finally getting my diploma
i lost weight and i go to the gym regularly (this is a semestral resolution haha!)
i'm happy
your love is like a shadow at 17:50
0 said we can't be wrong together
0 said we can't be wrong together
Sunday, August 31, 2008
no nonsense
i always hated choosing. any kind. or making big decisions that could drastically change my life. i don't have to do that now but i get the feeling that if i continue to see you, as much as we swear that we are platonic friends, i would sooner or later get to the point wherein i have to choose.
but your hand on my hand feels so good. your head on my shoulder felt like it was meant to be there from the start.
sigh.
but i love him. very much. and i can't leave him. i don't know why but there's this certain thing that keeps me attached to him no matter how he hurts me i still can't walk away. i made promises. and im not one to break promises.
and you. you just make me happy.
and he does too.
argh.
but your hand on my hand feels so good. your head on my shoulder felt like it was meant to be there from the start.
sigh.
but i love him. very much. and i can't leave him. i don't know why but there's this certain thing that keeps me attached to him no matter how he hurts me i still can't walk away. i made promises. and im not one to break promises.
and you. you just make me happy.
and he does too.
argh.
your love is like a shadow at 08:25
0 said we can't be wrong together
0 said we can't be wrong together
Friday, August 08, 2008
drunken me
To be a good surgeon, you have to think like a surgeon. Emotions are messy. Tuck them neatly away and step into a clean, sterile room where the procedure is simple. Cut, suture, close. But sometimes you're faced to a cut that won't heal. A cut that rips its stitches wide open.
Should I stay or should I go? Can I forgive again and again? Face every pain?
your love is like a shadow at 12:10
0 said we can't be wrong together
0 said we can't be wrong together
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Arawch: Aray + ouch = Arawch.
My day began with menstrual cramps. Usually, I get my own doze of midol + sprite and lie in bed for most of the day. Today, I didn't even take aspirin for my headache. I wanted to feel the seething pain. Just feeling it physically kind of made the emotional pain stop. For a while. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo. Hmm... I remember a short story way back on my lit class on my sophomore year of college. About pain and how it satisfies some people. Anyway, this is a senseless post. I'm ranting nonsense things to stop myself from feeling pain. When will I ever truly smile again?
Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.
your love is like a shadow at 23:30
0 said we can't be wrong together
0 said we can't be wrong together
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
when did all of this happen?
i was reading my old archives when i realized how much i have changed. gawd, i miss the old tropang track-and-field days. where instead of facing trials head on, i run. instead of admitting my feelings, i make everything seem like a joke. and when a shred of commitment is foreseen, i hide.
hayyyyyyyy. si soulmate na miss ko din! it is only now that i appreciate his decision of remaining "just like this". parang nung umalis ako sa uste sobrang nagiba ang perspective ko sa buhay. dati i preferred no-strings-attached flings over long term relationships... nakakamiss ang blur ng pagiging single but emotionally taken.
what am i trying to say?
hindi ko din alam. whenever i look at him right now, parang hindi ko alam if i still want to stay. its confusing and scary as hell.
hayyyyyyyy. si soulmate na miss ko din! it is only now that i appreciate his decision of remaining "just like this". parang nung umalis ako sa uste sobrang nagiba ang perspective ko sa buhay. dati i preferred no-strings-attached flings over long term relationships... nakakamiss ang blur ng pagiging single but emotionally taken.
what am i trying to say?
hindi ko din alam. whenever i look at him right now, parang hindi ko alam if i still want to stay. its confusing and scary as hell.
your love is like a shadow at 10:46
0 said we can't be wrong together
0 said we can't be wrong together
Monday, August 04, 2008
All the king's horses and all the king's men... Couldn't put Humpty together again.
I think I've been through it all and yet I still haven't learned my lesson.
Jesrora - the most stubborn human being alive.
Been there, done that. Still not enough to stop me from letting myself get hurt.
Let's put the situation in a slightly different story since I'm in no mood to spill all the details.
A friend let go of his present love because he was still in love with his past. Nakasakit sya. He went to his past and told her that "I’m back". He held her hand but then she started to let go.
Nasaktan sya. He was left alone.
Si present, naging past na… Si past, wala na.
Moral lesson?
Ang LOVE may KARMA. At sabi nila, “Karma strikes twice.” Dami mo nang nasaktan.
Isa lang masasabi ko:
“Lord, mahalin lang nya ako ng totoo hanggang dulo, handa ko ng harapin lahat ng karma ko..”
Jesrora - the most stubborn human being alive.
Been there, done that. Still not enough to stop me from letting myself get hurt.
Let's put the situation in a slightly different story since I'm in no mood to spill all the details.
A friend let go of his present love because he was still in love with his past. Nakasakit sya. He went to his past and told her that "I’m back". He held her hand but then she started to let go.
Nasaktan sya. He was left alone.
Si present, naging past na… Si past, wala na.
Moral lesson?
Ang LOVE may KARMA. At sabi nila, “Karma strikes twice.” Dami mo nang nasaktan.
Isa lang masasabi ko:
“Lord, mahalin lang nya ako ng totoo hanggang dulo, handa ko ng harapin lahat ng karma ko..”
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
your love is like a shadow at 20:30
0 said we can't be wrong together
0 said we can't be wrong together
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
It's all in my head...
Sabi nya we're a probably. I didn't want to get my hopes high up in the clouds again and get crushed afterwards if something undesirable happens pero yeah, it made me giddy. Imagine, at my young age, I already found my someone who I see I can be with in the future and he feels the same. Although he has a lot of shortcomings and he isn't my ideal guy, only with him I feel unexplainably happy. And only him can destroy me.
There are still a lot of doubts on my mind. Regarding his loyalty. Its really hard to build up the trust but I have to. We must. Though sometimes there are circumstancial evidences that they still have contact which I couldn't possibly prove... I feel that he's doing his best to make me feel happy and secured. Like he always "reports" what's he's going to do or where he is. (Though recently merong misunderstanding about sa date). A day doesn't go by without him saying he loves me. And yes, he spells it out. I LOVE YOU. Ganun. He always wants to spend time with me kung may cash or kung pwede kami both. Anyway, Im really hoping he really is loyal na. Whatever doubts I have now (Like the girl leaving a comment, message, and bookmarking his profile.) I hope it goes away through time or I swear I'd go crazy.
Ang hirap maging adult. I wish I could just go back to being a kid.
There are still a lot of doubts on my mind. Regarding his loyalty. Its really hard to build up the trust but I have to. We must. Though sometimes there are circumstancial evidences that they still have contact which I couldn't possibly prove... I feel that he's doing his best to make me feel happy and secured. Like he always "reports" what's he's going to do or where he is. (Though recently merong misunderstanding about sa date). A day doesn't go by without him saying he loves me. And yes, he spells it out. I LOVE YOU. Ganun. He always wants to spend time with me kung may cash or kung pwede kami both. Anyway, Im really hoping he really is loyal na. Whatever doubts I have now (Like the girl leaving a comment, message, and bookmarking his profile.) I hope it goes away through time or I swear I'd go crazy.
Ang hirap maging adult. I wish I could just go back to being a kid.
Probably means there's a good chance.
Possibly means we might or we might not.
your love is like a shadow at 09:05
0 said we can't be wrong together
0 said we can't be wrong together
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Haha!
Masaya ako. Wahahahaha!!!
Look at his friendster profile. Yun nlang. Haha!
Look at his friendster profile. Yun nlang. Haha!
your love is like a shadow at 22:39
0 said we can't be wrong together
0 said we can't be wrong together
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
para sa mga BABAERO!
okay, di ko napigilan magsilent treatment kahapon. nagaway kami. for a while. give up na nga ko dapat pati sya dahil pagod na sya sa kakaexplain daw na hindi na sila, at ako naman pagod na sa kakatanong kung sila pa. explanation para sa password? ha! naiilang daw syang alam ko ang password nung babae nakakahiya naman daw dun sa tao na niloko nya galit na galit na sakanya tapos magsnoop pa daw ako. bakit magkadikit pangalan nila sa pass? ah, dahil hindi daw nya macontact yon dahil ala na silang number ng isa't isa at ayaw na din nyang itext yun lang daw siguro ang password na maaaring maisip nung chick.
ewan ko, bahala nalang. ipapasambahala ko nlang kay god. pero mukhang totoo naman yun sinabi nyang wala na sila. ewan ko pero meron akong gut feeling ngayon na totoo na yon. so ang problem ay nasa akin na... ngyahahaha... kasalanan ko bang nahihirapan ako ibalik yun tiwala!? second time na shet. sana naman kasi di nlang sya nagpapahuli eh! gayahin nya ko! di nahuhuli! joke lang.
tulad ng sabi ng isang friend, hindi pa naman kami kasal, so we don't really have the strings on each other. may point talaga sya! hehe.
anyway, i saw this article on the net, para sa mga babaero!
Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.
"Wow,this girl in my office is a real looker. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that my partner is not. "Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your partner ever did. Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a partner will only have 90% of what you're looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 10%.
Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature. You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cheery laughter. Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pyjamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil,you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representativethat visits your office in a sharp black blazer, highheels, and a red pencil-cut skirt. Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skipa beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.
But wait! That's only 10% of what you don't have. Don't throw away the 90% that you already have! Add to your spouse's 90% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other.
The stormsyou have weathered together. The unforgettable momentsof sadness and joy as a couple. The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.
Adulteryhappens when you start looking for what you don'thave. But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have. But I'm not just talking about marriage.
I'm talking about life!
About your jobs. About your friends. About your children. About your lifestyles.
Are you like the economy airline?
The main message: If you start appreciating what you have right now,wherever you are is FIRST CLASS!
ewan ko, bahala nalang. ipapasambahala ko nlang kay god. pero mukhang totoo naman yun sinabi nyang wala na sila. ewan ko pero meron akong gut feeling ngayon na totoo na yon. so ang problem ay nasa akin na... ngyahahaha... kasalanan ko bang nahihirapan ako ibalik yun tiwala!? second time na shet. sana naman kasi di nlang sya nagpapahuli eh! gayahin nya ko! di nahuhuli! joke lang.
tulad ng sabi ng isang friend, hindi pa naman kami kasal, so we don't really have the strings on each other. may point talaga sya! hehe.
anyway, i saw this article on the net, para sa mga babaero!
Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.
"Wow,this girl in my office is a real looker. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that my partner is not. "Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your partner ever did. Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a partner will only have 90% of what you're looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 10%.
Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature. You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cheery laughter. Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pyjamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil,you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representativethat visits your office in a sharp black blazer, highheels, and a red pencil-cut skirt. Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skipa beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.
But wait! That's only 10% of what you don't have. Don't throw away the 90% that you already have! Add to your spouse's 90% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other.
The stormsyou have weathered together. The unforgettable momentsof sadness and joy as a couple. The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.
Adulteryhappens when you start looking for what you don'thave. But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have. But I'm not just talking about marriage.
I'm talking about life!
About your jobs. About your friends. About your children. About your lifestyles.
Are you like the economy airline?
The main message: If you start appreciating what you have right now,wherever you are is FIRST CLASS!
your love is like a shadow at 11:15
0 said we can't be wrong together
0 said we can't be wrong together
Monday, July 14, 2008
barely there...
i am going to meet him later. i wont say a thing. hindi ko na alam nararamdaman ko. mahal ko pa ba sya o nakasanayan ko lang na andyan sya sa buhay ko? ano bang sukatan para malaman mong mahal mo ang isang tao?
sa daming taon na nagmamahal ako, hanggang ngayon tanga pa din ako pagdating dito. parang masmadali pa magcosting kaysa magdesisyon sa mga ganitong bagay. kasi ngayon, most of the time, im not happy. i didn't say im totally unhappy with everything, i am happy especially when im with him... pero most of the time i worry.
i worry that he'd do it again, i worry na sila pa, i worry na magsawa sya. i worry. im not free to feel what i want to feel anymore. i cant even express myself to him. puro fears. nakakainis sya. bakit nya sinira ang sarili nya sa akin ng ganito?
hay... maybe eto nga nga... the end?
sa daming taon na nagmamahal ako, hanggang ngayon tanga pa din ako pagdating dito. parang masmadali pa magcosting kaysa magdesisyon sa mga ganitong bagay. kasi ngayon, most of the time, im not happy. i didn't say im totally unhappy with everything, i am happy especially when im with him... pero most of the time i worry.
i worry that he'd do it again, i worry na sila pa, i worry na magsawa sya. i worry. im not free to feel what i want to feel anymore. i cant even express myself to him. puro fears. nakakainis sya. bakit nya sinira ang sarili nya sa akin ng ganito?
hay... maybe eto nga nga... the end?
your love is like a shadow at 10:12
0 said we can't be wrong together
0 said we can't be wrong together
